I'm confused...

And not sure if I should actually be publishing what I really feel on the interwebs, cos a lot of it has got to do with private stuff that I'm currently only comfortable telling to friends I know exist, as it were. Sorry if that's blunt...

So I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year today. His mum passed away after a long battle with Leukaemia at some point in the early hours of Tuesday morning or late Tuesday evening, I can't remember. And I feel genuinely really sorry for everybody involved, even my Dad, because Leukaemia is something which I wouldn't wish on even my worst enemy. But I'm confused - I don't know if I've misjudged his family over the last three years or so and I really, really don't know what to do or say.

Somebody help me?!
xxxxxx

Error 221B

This blog has encountered a Sherlock-related problem and may not return to full functionality for several days.

No, seriously, I don't know how I'm going to survive Sherlock tonight. Any tips greatly appreciated.

♥

The next time I come out of an exam, they'll be the real ones.

Fuck.

Ok, so we've had mock exams this past fortnight, and to be honest, they went rather shockingly badly. Apart from music and german, which were the only two decent exams. And it struck me that the next time I go into an exam room, they'll be the real exams, not some poncy fake ones which don't count for anything.

I. Am. Going. To. Die.

The only good news is that I've had another offer from a university. Also, I know when I'm next meeting my brother. I should really find a name for him.

♥♥

2012: A year for change.

So now that 2012 has begun to establish itself (well, it hasn't, I haven't even written the date yet), I think it's about time that I decide on some firm New Years Resolutions. You know, the ones I never make and keep even less.

Maybe last year's resolutions were a bit too ambitious. I always knew that I was never ever going to take up a sport of sorts, and that the weight loss was going to last for a week or too, then I'd get stressed about school and comfort-eat till the cows came home and suddenly I'm large enough to start gaining orbiting satellites. Coming out of the closet AND getting a boyfriend in the same year was never ever going to happen, I should have realised that. So naturally some of these resolutions will continue over into this year.

2012 New Years Resolutions

1. Get a boyfriend with whom I can have a long-term relationship.
2. At least start looking for a job (after the end of exams), and hopefully get one too.
3. Lose weight.
4. Be more of an extrovert, particularly when drunk.
5. Make an effort to dress up at 'fancy dress' parties.
6. Pass the IB. If that's physically possible is a different question.
7. Keep as many of these resolutions as possible.

Why am I making so many more resolutions this year than I did last year? Well, probably because a) after May, I'll have time to kill, b) I don't think they're as ambitious as some of last years were, c) they're more realistically achievable.

I also relish the task of finding a flat in London to move into with my friend at a time when prices will probably be moving the wrong way towards 0 due to the Olympics. Which I will only be watching the male swimming contests so I can see lots of nearly naked, fit/cute/hot men I won't be watching. 

Last year I remember being sceptical about most of them (such as coming out and getting a boyfriend), and surprisingly, they were the ones which I actually managed to complete. Even if I never actually went on a date with my boyfriend who I realised was a bit of an arse while we were 'going out'. I'm not even sure if he counts as a boyfriend. Anyway, I digress. Perhaps I should be really sceptical about completing all of them (particularly number 6), and then they'll all come to pass and I can have a really positive reflection on this year when it comes to December 31. Who knows?

What are your new years resolutions? Comment as always with yours, and feel free to tell me if you think I'll manage mine! 

♥

2011: Progress (or not)

Number of boyfriends gained, then lost after a fatal misjudgement of his character: 1
Number of people out to: enough
Number of declined threesome offers: 1
Number of accepted threesome offers: 0
Drunk and meaningless kisses: 1
Weight difference: probably + too many kgs
University offers: 1
Driving tests passed: 2
Cars bought: 0
New instruments learnt: 1
House moves: 1
New Years Resolutions completed: 1
New Years Resolutions not started: 4
Average stress level: 1.000.000%
Alcohol consumed: not enough
Hangovers: too many
Lottery wins: 0
Panic attacks: 1

All in all, a rather depressing lack of anything. It's as if these past 12 months have been the most pointless and uneventful in the history of history. They have been full of nothing but mistakes and procrastination, so here's to the next 12 months of the same.

Happy new year ♥

Merry Scroogemas. Or Grinchmas. Or Christmas. Or whatever the bloody thing's called.

For the first time in a long time, I actually enjoyed Christmas this year. No family. No expectations. No schedules. No stress. Just me, my mum, the animals, and the exceptionally poor Christmas TV which graces our screens every year. Although, Doctor Who was, as usual, fantastic and lovely and wonderful and once I finish typing this post, I think I shall go and iPlayer it (again) or go to bed, depending on how much beer I consume between now and then.

I realise that it's been a year since I set up this blog, with a view to posting regularly about the dull proceedings of this game we call life. I think I succeeded in that. Largely. If you ignore the 'regular' part of that statement. I'm planning a 2011 summary post for New Year's Eve, in which I reflect on the depressing (lack of) progress I have made in my love life, social life, educational life............ sex life. And just life in general.

Since my previous post there are two major developments which need pointing out: I have passed my driving test, and my UCAS application has been sent off and processed and I have an offer to study Music at City University London, starting September 2013. Actually, I think that's the only thing that's different about my life  in comparison to this time last year. OK, I'm more out than I was at the start of the year, and I have a new phone and a Dinner Suit (including a bow-tie, which is cool. No Top Hat though...).

Since I am (once again) going to be spending New Year with people I don't particularly want to be with, and I'd much rather spend my 18th New Year's Eve getting pissed shitless with my friends, I will spare you all with the inevitable boring rant about how my Aunt dictates when her dogs need to go for a poo, and I will also spare you from the complicated happenings of my cousin's love life (I seem to remember posting last year about how he and his girlfriend were shoving themselves down each others throats during Christmas dinner and me just quietly sitting there wanting to have a boyfriend of my own.... oh how that's changed...). I am grateful for the fact that by the time we do arrive at my Aunt's house in 2 days time that the incontinent Nazi grandmother will not be present. I might actually kill myself if she were.

But that's enough about the rant I was never going to have. Doubtless these shall all be rants that will be posted before the year is out.

Hope you've all had a Merry Christmas, even if I don't actively celebrate it myself, for reasons which constitute a whole new post for itself, and if I don't post before the end of the year, I wish you all a very happy and healthy start to 2012.

♥

So it seems I'm already out - except I don't remember officially coming out...

OK so it turns out that most of the sixth form at my school know I'm gay, when I haven't told *that* many people. Don't get me wrong, I really don't mind who knows or how many people know - it's not as if I deny it at all.

Basically (and I'm not sure how much of this is true, because I was in a lesson when it happened), Harry and Sarah were having an argument about something, and Sarah decided to say that Harry was in a gay relationship with someone - despite both Harry and this other guy being straight. Harry used me as an 'insult', and decided that I was going out with her. Cue Amy, who happily proclaims that I'm gay. Harry didn't know up until that point, and seemed surprised. Amy seemed surprised at Harry's surprise, because according to her, "everyone knows".

Now, I don't have a problem with any of this. I really couldn't care less about who knows I'm gay, but I'm a bit confused as to how Amy found out, let alone "everyone", because I didn't tell them. And I doubt she checks people's Facebook profiles to see what their 'Interested In' is set to. I don't think anybody does (apart from me, because I'm such a stalk). But I now have absolutely no idea who knows and who doesn't, which to an extent, annoys me, because it's the sort of thing I'd rather have told people about myself, rather than people hearing it from people who heard it from people. But, on the other hand, I'm secretly very glad, because I don't have to do any of this horrible 'coming out' lark, and have also completed a new years resolution. Which, in 18 years, I think is the first time I can ever honestly say that :p

I'm curious as to how everybody found out, because the people that I had told don't really tell other people someone's private stuff - they're all just like "you want to know, you go and ask him. Not my place to say." I don't know weather or not the fact that Amy told people about my sexuality without my permission should bother me or not.

Anyway, thought and comments below please!
♥