Massive Catch-up

Wow, what a week..... Sorry I haven't posted much lately, but it's all been a bit hectic around here recently...

I think I'll just sort of sum up everything that's happened rather than do individual posts for them.

Sunday
Basically, my German exchange partner arrived for two weeks. She's really nice and polite and friendly, and she's the first exchange partner I've had who I haven't had to force to speak English (my year 8 French exchange's English was about as good as mine--i.e. Non-existent-- and my previous German exchange partner was lazy and took advantage of the fact that I speak German as a native speaker). The only problem is, everythings a bit awkward... What do I say to her?? Mum took over in her first day here and asked all the questions I was going to ask... I kinda feel sorry for het, since she has to listen to her (self-admitted) inconsequent ramblings. I always switch off at those.

Monday
Ok, Monday was kinda dull. There wasnt really an awful lot to do with my partner, since I had about 3 different essays (most of which overdue by some considerable amount of time) to complete or my head would have been separated from my body by my teachers...

Tuesday
Big day, Tuesday was. I got nominated for head boy. Which I'm really happy about and I really hope I get elected, but I need to ask myself, am I more likely to get elected if I stay in the closet and then come out as gay once I'm elected?? Hmm... Suggestions and opinions in the comments box please!!

Wednesday
I think I spent most of Wednesday coughing. I have a cold. :( I'm unimpressed. I did However, get round to coming up with manifesto ideas for my headboyship. Most of those came from a single lecture from one of my physics teachers about work ethics and teaching styles. In fact, so far my entire manifesto comes from said lecture. Oh well...

Thursday
I don't remember much about thursday. It seems quite insignificant. I suppose that's the consequence of not posting here mire regularly, you begin to think of days as insignificant...

Friday
Stayed at home all day due to illness. Feel like the plague and death all in one. I am officially no further with ANY schoolwork, having spent the entire day watching Doctor Who instead... :p
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Sob...

It didn't happen..... :'( I have this mental block where I say I'm gonna go and do something, and then I get all nervous and don't do what I want to do... My excuse is that there wasn't an opportunity to do it, but there was nothing to stop me from blurting out "I'm gay!"....

Ah well, the year is young...
x

Today's the day...

... I plan to come out to the real world. Through the means if a Gay Pride wristband.

Yeah, it finally arrived yesterday and it looks pretty cool. I think. Not sure what everyone at school will say, and as you can imagine, I'm kinda shitting myself right now. What if they hate gays? What if they're all homophones? I think they're not, but we've never really talked about it before now......

My fears come from knowing that at least one of my friends is deeply Christian, but I dint know what branch they ate... If they're catholic, then I'm kinda fucked...

Wish me luck, and watch this space!!
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I want to crawl back into bed and stay there for all of eternity.

Mum's gone away on business for the whole week, which means that I have to wake myself up at twenty to six each morning and do everything.... and it doesn't help that I had 6 lessons without any form of proper break time today, which was totally exhausting and I feel like just dying right now. :/ But I can't, I have far too much work to do for later on this week, and tomorrow isn't exactly my free-est day either...

In other news, I ordered that Gay Pride wristband I was talking about earlier, so that should hopefully be here tomorrow.... or some other time during the week (hopefully BEFORE mum gets back from wherever she is...), so that I can actually wear it at school... and hopefully come out that way...

We'll see... Off to finish my Chocolate Orange and drown my tiredness in some form of fizzy drink or alcohol, a packet of cigarettes and Silent Witness... :p

OMG I haven't posted since TUESDAY????

How the hell does that work?????

Sorry about that. Although, to be honest, not an awful lot has happened. It's been really quite dead round here. Nobody's picked up on my coming out, though I have a plan which I'll talk about in a sec...

Yesterday we had some friends come round for dinner, and their spoilt kids were here too. They're really quite rude, Mum made them something different to eat because they don't like what we were having. And it's like that every time they come here............ GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Anyway, about my plan: I was thinking of ordering this and just wearing it round school and if anybody asks what it is, I just say "it's Gay pride". Does that sound crazy? Or does it actually sound like a good plan? please tell me....


Gah, "low battery, please plug in your laptop".... I HATE that :p

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Oboe, bassoon, oboe, bassoon, oboe, bassoon............. GAH I can't make my mind up!!!

OK, so I've been thinking about this whole second instrument lark. I love the Oboe, I really do. And the Bassoon doesn't sound bad either. But Bassoonists are rarer, and are more likely to get me a place at University.... so surely it's a no brainer? Surely I should do the instrument that's going to get me the place, and *then* take up the other as a third instrument?

Hmm... inconsequent ramblings.

Either way, I'm hopefully finally taking my grade 5 theory some time next month, if I pass the mock. Which I should do, since the stuff I'm doing at IB level is grade 6 Theory. I'm also finally working towards a grade (6), and once I've gone past that, it'll be Grade 8 Piano, and Grade something in whatever instrument I choose to take up for University... and hopefully I'll get that to at least Grade 6 by the end of my gap year, as well as getting my Piano Diploma under my belt....

What do you think? I know there must be SOMEONE reading this... please comment and suggest stuff?

(By the way, the word hasn't yet spread about my coming out on Friday, so I guess I'll have to do it all over again when the opportunity arises :/)
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Driving Lessons

Yay, they finally started today!!!! I'm pretty awesome :p I went round corners hundreds of times and stalled the car hundreds of times too, but I'm still alive and in one piece. So is the car I was in, before anybody asks.... :p And I apparently know more about the theory of driving than most people my instructor's taught before, so that's all cool too :D I have another lesson booked for Saturday at 11, so it'll be in the light and I'll be able to see better

Anyway, I need to go, have TONNES of homework to do (most of it for tomorrow... :/)
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Nerves

So, after coming out to Lisa, India and Akiko on Friday, I suddenly feel really nervous about going to school tomorrow (or today, since I am writing this at an absurd hour of the night and its gone midnight...) I keep wondering if the word has spread, if they've told anyone... And who they've told. Lisa's a bit of a loudmouth, and it wouldn't surprise me if she said something to someone who goes and blabs. Which is fine by me, I want people to know, but I guess it's just a question of who tells who that I'm worried about. I can think of a fair few people who would jump at an opportunity to mock me and take the piss out of me for who I am....

Oh well, we'll see later. Doubt I'll get any sleep anyway, I have two cats who insist in sharing the bed with me lol :p

Yesterday

Sorry, I should really have posted yesterday, but I had to go and see my fucking dad, and when I got home I was too tired and depressed to do anything. I just kinda slept through all of the CSIs on Channel five.... 

Anyway, we had to see this arsehole. He decided that he was going to make life hell again, and push me into doing things I don't want to. Like come down on my own and see him. Like tell him when I'm free so he can come and see me. Like spend my 18th birthday with him rather than my friends. LIKE SPEND NEXT CHRISTMAS WITH HIM.  Why would I want to willingly spend time with the worlds biggest homophobe?? Can someone tell me that?

I also really can't understand how one person can be in such a foul temper all the time. In all my 17 years of knowing him (and trust me, that's 17 years too many), I have never once seem him smile. Not once. EVER. Not even when I got a Jack Petchey Award. Not even when I was elected chairman of our school's anti-bullying group....

Actually, I'll save my inconsequent ramblings until I can order my thoughts in some sort of logical way that I can understand and make sense to myself (no guarantee it'll make sense to you though )

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, sort of. I kind of came out .

Not to everybody I want to, there are still loads of people I want to tell, but I was asked if I way gay and I SAID YES.

Basically one of my friends, who's new to my school (very nice girl, very friendly.... let's call her India), asked another one of my friends (um.... we'll call her Akiko) and another one who I *think* is bisexual (at least, her interests on Facebook are men and women...) who we'll call Lisa, if homophobic bullying was common in our school, because it wasn't in her old one. I was sitting with them at the time, and I said "yes, it is, I've experienced it." (which is the truth... when I was in year 7, loads of people on my bus wrote 'Liam is gay' in the condensation on the windows, and they kept calling me 'Mr Gay UK'... Anyway, I digress). They both asked me if I was gay (almost at the same time as each other) and I simply said yes and acted as though it wasn't a big thing for me to say yes. At the time, my heart was racing... I remember thinking "OMG what am I doing???" as well as "YAY you've finally got it off your chest."

For some unexplainable reason, I remember tears coming to my eyes, so I just pretended I had to go and find a teacher. I went into the nearest toilet and just sort of hid and tried to hold it back. Not quite sure why these tears came to my eyes...

All three of them were really accepting, and Lisa and India both decided that they were going to beat up whoever had bullied me. I'd said that they've long since left, and that the bullying was in year 7, when I wasn't sure if I was gay or not (I came to terms with it properly in Year 8/9, but I think I've known since about year 5...).

But they'd still go and beat up anybody who bullies me 

I hope I'll be able to bring it up in conversation with either Jack, Inga or Lauren soon...

Decision

Remember I was contemplating which second instrument to learn? Well, I've decided on the Oboe. (Or rather, Inga and Lauren both decided for me, as they both play the Oboe)... So now's where the hard part comes in... I need to learn the Oboe to at least grade 6 in about 2 and a half years, I need to get my diploma in Piano in the same amount of time (that would actually mean getting some grades done :/), and at the same time study for my IB, which means keeping up with the reading for English, which I can't stand.

I also want to try and be involved in the next two school plays (whatever they are), and hopefully in the one when I'm on my gap year in 2012/2013. I was Deputy Stage Manager in the last two plays, cos I missed the auditions, but I'm hoping that I'll get to be in the cast of this year's play (what that is, I've NO idea...)

Back to School

I've noticed this is becoming a habit, writing these posts at like midnight. Oh well.

First day back at school today yesterday. It made me realise just how little work I did over the holidays, and how much I have to do for some point this week/early next week. I have a reduced weekend to do most of that work in, since I have a driving lesson first thing on Saturday, and once that's over, I have to go and visit the fucking arse... so doing School work on Saturday is pretty much out of the question.

There was an opportunity to come out first thing today... but it was too daunting. It would've been in front of my form and another Sixth Form form which is full of people I don't know, so it wasn't ideal. I'd rather it be just to my friends at first, and if they decide to tell people I'm gay, then I don't mind... I just need to tell them it first. :/

I should really have weighed myself first thing as well, but forgot. I want to lose weight, and the only way of knowing if I've succeeded, is if I weigh myself every week and notice a downward trend. Well, judging my the amount I've eaten so far this year, it's not looking good. I think I've put the weight I want to lose on, about 5 times over...

I'm not really sure what to write, right now. I've been full of inconsequent ramblings over the holidays, and let it all out on here that I now genuinely don't have a clue what to talk about. Still haven't decided which instrument I want to learn. Nor have I gone any further with actually applying to sit my Grade 5 Theory and Grade 6 Piano exams. Although, it's probably a good idea to learn the songs before I apply to take the exams, and for that I need the sheet music. And for that, I need money. And for that, I need a job. And when you do the IB, it's impossible to do a job at the same time (unless it's a job that pays you to sit behind a desk and do school work, which, as far as I am aware, doesn't exist.)

Actually, forget what I just wrote about not knowing what to write (that sentence really made sense, didn't it....) I need to complain about my dad's Christmas present to me.... it was a weird book that he knows I'm never going to read cos it's not my type of book. I'm not even going to bother asking him where he got the money from to buy it, since he's (apparently) been living off of unemployment and incapacity benefits for the last five years, has no income, and has his parents pay his rent for the flat below theirs (and he doesn't even go and visit them, even though his Mum has terminal Leukaemia). He's probably stolen it from some poor sod. Maybe his parents, it wouldn't surprise me. He's stolen over £300 from me before, but I have no way of proving it. In any case, I find it hard to believe that he's constantly complaining about having no money to spare, not a penny, yet every time I see him he can magic a £20 note into my hand/buy me some stupid and useless present I'm never going to use cos it's for a three year old. If that doesn't send theft-alarm bells ringing, I don't know what does....

Anyway, I'm tired, and I have a long day at school tomorrow, with probably more homework I forgot/surprise tests or something unpleasent like that to start the New Year off with....

And there was me thinking 2011 was going to be nice to me. :/

Day 1

So, is this the day I pull my finger out and put these New Year's resolutions into motion?

Damn, I thought it would never come!

Actually, I s'pose it's a good thing. I'm feeling optimistic about being able to come out at some point this year. Not quite as optimistic about losing weight, or getting a boyfriend, or whatever else is on the New Year's Resolutions page.... I reckon I'm confident enough. I just need to find the right moment. I've been toying with the idea of just setting my interests on Facebook to 'Men' (it's currently nothing), and seeing what the reaction is, but the problem with that is that people may think that I've been Fraped... which of course I'd never let happen.

It's always far too much effort to bring the topic of sexuality up in conversation, I find. But maybe that's cos I'm lazy.... :/ I'll sleep on it.

Speaking of sleep, that's right what I need, cos I've got a long journey home tomorrow... G'night.

Happy New Year...

2011 STARTS HERE!