Depression

*sigh* I'm in one of those lows, one of those times when everything and anything about anyone seems to annoy me to the point of pissing me off enough to make me retreat into my room and feel depressed. Waterloo Road didn't help either.

I'm still largely in the closet, and I'm still most definitely single. Both of those are severely depressing. *is depressed*. It doesn't help much when I iPlayer Waterloo Road to find Josh and Nate getting it off with one another. A little part of me died when I saw it, to be replaced by the most intense rush of jealousy and impatience. How hard can it be? How difficult is it just to either say "I'm Gay" or just wear that stupid wristband and say "yes" if anybody asks if it's a Gay Pride wristband. Obviously, very hard. Why?! I want to come out, I want people to know, I want to be open! But I just find it so god damn bloody difficult....

Me and my brother both feel like that though (he's sadly not gay, but we both want someone). I want someone who I can enjoy myself with, not feel awkward around, someone who's funny and entertaining, and has similar tastes in music and clothes and film and everything to me. Looks aren't that important to me right now, since I'm not exactly a looker myself. Though I'm frequently told I am, if I were to lose some weight. Which I'm not really trying to do right now, given my current state of depression. :( One day I'll settle down with the right guy and be happy, and not have to worry about annoying things....

Like Mum. Mum's really annoying me right now. I don't know if it's just my perception of her that's changing and that she's still the same person, or if she as a person is changing into someone that's more annoying than she used to be. Everything she does at the moment seems to annoy me a little..... her impatience, her occasional selfishness, her talkativeness, her driving off in the mornings before the windscreen has demisted and not able to see a thing...... would that not annoy you? Aside from it being very scary when you suddenly realise that the driver is effectively driving blind. :/

My Oboe and Bassoon arrived yesterday though. I have no idea how to put the Bassoon together, and can only just manage a C Major scale and something which vaguely resembles Titanic on the Oboe. Baby steps.

Hmm.

x